Information on popular complementary and alternative medical topics

“They wouldn’t let us if we wanted to.”

Now you are talking basic freedoms. You have the right to privacy, to do in private what you will with whom you will. If you feel inhibited by someone else’s encroachment on your life, you should act on that or ask for help to act on that. If any group of people deserves and has earned privacy, the dignity of continued personal and sexual development, it certainly is you. You have earned it much more than some thirteen-year-old in a parked car. Stand up for your sexual rights and the sexual rights of everyone in this room. Even if you don’t want to exercise those rights, they are yours for the choosing. Protect them.

“How can you have sex if you don’t feel good?”

How can you feel good if you don’t have sex? How can you feel good if you never touch and get touched, hold and get held? We have to stop thinking about aging as meaning not feeling good. Being sick is not automatically related to being older, and feeling active, alert, happy, and energetic depends much on behaving that way, and the same applies to sex. You will feel sexier if you keep on being sexual, and that in turn will help you feel generally better.

“Maybe you just don’t want to face it. Getting old means

getting high blood pressure, losing your memory, your ability to

get around and move around. It’s just a fact that you are trying to

romanticize away.”

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Turning on Your Sex Lights

I don’t know why we fell into the habit of making love in the dark. We aren’t shy or anything. Maybe we’re too lazy to turn the lights on and

off.

Husband

You will not to be reading in bed in this new program, so candles or soft, full-spectrum lighting is recommended. James Ott, in his book HEALTH AND LIGHT, states, “we have finally learned that light it is a nutrient much like food, and, like food, the wrong kind can make us ill the right kind can help keep us well.” The reason for ” healthy lighting in your place for intimacy is not just so you can the beauty of your sexual interaction. Making love exclusively ^ the dark or with artificial incandescent lighting deprives us a natural sexual stimulant to the brain, to the pineal and pituitary “lands. Try to create natural, soft full-spectrum lighting for your room. Let your sexual life see the light.

Sexual Soundproofing

The only soundproofing that would work in our house would be a gag for each of us and lots of oil for the squeaky bed.

HUSBAND

Just as we suffer from lack of natural lighting, so we suffer from the constant pollution of noise. Listen now as you read this paragraph and you will detect constant humming, clicking, rattling house noises and outside noises of traffic and day-to-day living. Ask any parents and they will tell you that the one thing they want more than anything else in their house is quiet.

It is as important to keep noise out of your private place as it is to keep your intimate communication private. The only approach that seemed to meet both of these needs was to suggest to my couples a music system. Pick a system that is of sufficient quality to reproduce the full range of sounds from your favorite music. The couples reported that music free of a strong theme, vocals, and changes in beat or rhythm was the most pleasing. Your own tapes are much better than the radio, because they are free of commercials and tailored exactly to your tastes. Make your own set of super sex tapes together.

Some couples added extra sound insulation for the bedroom and others tried “white noise,” a system that creates a background that masks noise. A little creativity and effort can help you to keep your own natural sex sounds in and distracting noises out. Super sex requires sound nutrition to match your natural lighting nutrition.

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Super Marital Sex Rule: Marital partners will never be at the same stage of development together. Super marital sex depends on learning to enjoy one another’s development, both partners’ valiant struggle to adjust and to grow.

Just when I got established in my career, he wants to change his. When he first talked about women’s liberation, I knew he was getting ready to quit his job. Now he wants to work, I want to work, neither of us wants to parent. When I want to do something, he does. We just don’t match up right.

WIFE

We assume that life’s passages will be encountered by each of us in our marriages at the same time with the same ease. It just does not work out that way. There is really no such thing as a mid-life crisis, only a lifelong set of crises we are just now paying attention to. So it is with marriage. We assume that things will just “develop,” but they will not. We will enter phases of life differently, putting stresses on our marriages through our lack of understanding and tolerance of individuality.

Marriage vows sometimes say “until death do us part.” They should day something like “as we struggle together to renegotiate through the hundreds of changes we will each encounter together and separately.” Our vows of intimacy should reflect the assumption of constant change, learning a marital dance in which leader and follower are forever changing.

I tell my couples “never divorce someone you don’t know.” Many couples will not listen. They see divorce as an adjustment rather than an end. Sometimes therapists teach them that. They are wrong. Divorce often relates to marital inability to work through differences in developmental challenges, changes in readiness to parent, to work, to play, to rest, to love. Until American marriage sees that it is as cyclical as individual development, reflection, directing, and responding to our changes as people, it will tend to end “too soon” too often.

All marriages struggle with the individual differences of their partners as they go through their individual lives. You will learn that sex can be one of the best aids to carry us through differences in development. In fact, super marital sex can save marriage by teaching its partners to flourish in the changes and growth of both spouses.

We must learn to remarry a different and changing person several times during our marriage. We can choose to divorce and seek out dozens of transitional partners to match our changes, or use change to sculpt the marriage as an ever-changing artwork. Good marriages depend much more on being the right person than finding the right person. Experiencing developmental changes with someone else can be as exciting as it is difficult.

In a pre-fab, pre-developed, ready-made culture, we learn to look for pre-developed partners, already formed to match our own developmental stage at a given time. If our house is too small, we move. When we get too much stuff, we look for bigger and better places to keep it. We must also learn ways to get rid of some stuff, particularly psychological stuff, yet stay in the same house.

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