AFTER CANCER: IF I FEEL LIKE DAMAGED GOODS, HOW CAN I FEEL “WHOLE” AGAIN?
Feeling whole is a state of mind. If you see yourself as whole, you are whole. An important means to this end is to recognize what makes you “you.” Your essence goes far beyond job, clothes size, and talents. Self-reflection, discussion with family, friends, support people and groups, and professional counseling can help you discover or rediscover who you are.
If you have suffered a loss that strips you of your livelihood, hobbies, or usual means of communication or mobilization, you may have to change your definition of yourself. Your losses may allow you to see and develop strengths and abilities you never appreciated or knew you had.
If you have sustained a physical loss, there are healthy ways to adjust and compensate:
•Gather facts. Find out as much as you can about treatment options for your problem.
• Find out whether surgery or mechanical devices are available to repair or compensate for the
lost part or function.
• If the loss is permanent, learn as much as you can about how to cope with it. Find support
groups specific to your needs. No matter how devastating your physical losses, other people
have experienced the same losses and have learned ways to integrate the losses and get on with
their lives. Seek out these people for practical advice and sympathetic support.
• Expect to grieve your losses for some period of time before you learn to accept and adapt to
them. It often takes time and hard work.
It takes more energy to find a way to be happy and fulfilled despite your circumstances than to be unhappy. The rewards are invaluable for you and your family.
Emphasize all the new insights and strengths you have gained from your cancer experience. Your priorities and sensitivities have been shaped by powerful forces. As Nietzsche said, “What does not kill you makes you strong.”
You cannot choose the changes and losses that accompanied your cancer. You can choose how these changes and losses shape your life.
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