AFTER CANCER: DEALING WITH CHILDREN. HOW MUCH CAN MY CHILDREN HANDLE?
Your children will tell you how much they can handle. Pay attention to their body language, comments, and questions to gauge their readiness for a topic. If they are fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, changing the topic, or trying to leave the room, they are telling you that they are not ready to talk about the topic.
Answer questions as simply and directly as possible. In general, the simpler your answers, the better. You can always elaborate if they ask for more.
Stay accessible so that information, comfort, and reassurance are provided when they most need it. Keep the other significant people in your children’s lives involved. Teachers, clergy, friends’ parents, coaches, grandparents, and neighbors are all in a strategic position to provide you with feedback on how your children are doing and to reinforce your communications.
Ideally, news and problems should be presented by you or your spouse, or both. If you are sobbing uncontrollably, your children will be afraid no matter how perfect your choice of words. Simple crying or teariness is appropriate; it teaches them that this is difficult for you and that it is normal and healthy to have and show emotions. Explain your tears: “Mommy is sad about having to go into the hospital for tests, but I’m ready to do whatever I need to do to stay healthy.” “Daddy is sad about my headaches, but the doctors are going to find medicines to make them go away.”
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